[mainstream opus]
[Time: 3'18"]
[Lyrics: Thom Woodley]
[First performed October 9, 1999 -- show #43]
[Appears as track #6 on "Mainstream Mayhem"]
[Tim: electric bass, Nevin: viola, Jamie: percussion, vocals, Andy: keyboard, vocals, Thom: guitar, vocals, (guest) Matt Lipschutz: vocal]


Do you even need to ask? We're an indie band, and we're bitter!
Not really. This songs is lots of fun. (grrr)


i like you, you like me
why pretend we're in a nunnery
if frogs and pigs can make whoopee
why can't we? why can't i (for free)?

that's the deepest thing i'll ever say
that's okay, wit don't pay anyway
just give me money, and i'll be fine
give me remoras to wine and dine off me

i have a band, our name is bert
we own a van, our egos hurt
because our songs, eight minutes long
are viewed as wrong by the brain-deadened throng

if we ever played on the mtv
they'd shorten the songs and cut the words like acromegaly
cause teenage girls only scream
over idols with less noble dreams
we're mainstream!

and the little girls sing...
i like any old type of song
as long as it's not more than three minutes long
as long as it's pop major with no flat fifths
as long as there's no seven/eight or five/four riffs
as long as the lyrics don't require any thought
as long as they look at me when they sing and my girlfriends think they're hot
as long as there's white boys rapping and electronic noize
as long as they're in their thirties but teen beat still calls them boyz
mainstream!


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