[dinosaurs]
[Time: 4'27", longer when "covers jam" is appended]
[Lyrics: Thom Woodley]
[First performed September 20, 1997 -- show #2]
[Appears on "Pastor of Muppets", track 6]
[Tim: electric bass, vocals, Nevin: violin, vocals, Kort: bouzouki, vocals, Jamie: percussion, vocals, Andy: guitar, vocals, Thom: guitar, vocals]


Thom's first contribution to Bert, this song answers (or attempts to) the
age-old question "Why didn't God put dinosaurs on the ark?" Starting at the CD
release party, we began to append covers on the end, mixing vocal styles
of one song with lyrics of another. The original concept was to
play "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies while singing the verses
to "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice, but it has grown to encompass songs by
R.E.M., Carly Simon, Sugar Ray, "Weird Al" Yankovic, Will Smith, and whatever else
comes to mind. Nonetheless, "Dinosaurs" remains one of our favorites, especially
with the jungle-noise background that all six of us perform
on the record. Maybe extinction is better than being in a zoo anyway. Hmmm...


Why didn't God put dinosaurs on the ark?
Were they too big and stupid, or didn't they like the dark?
Was their bite much worse than their bark?
Is that why God kept dinosaurs off the ark?

Why didn't God put dinosaurs on the boat?
Was it democratic, did they get the short end of the vote?
Was He convinced that they would learn to float?
Is that why God kept dinosaurs off the boat?

Why didn't God put dinosaurs on the ship?
Was He afraid that the upholstery would rip?
If you looked at Noah's shoulder, tell me, would you find a chip?
Is that why God left dinosaurs off the ship?

Why didn't Noah let dinosaurs on the raft?
Would their walnut brains have caused the other creatures to laugh?
Or would their sheer weight just torn the whole damn boat in half?
A logistical problem keeping dinos off the raft

Why didn't God put dinosaurs on the galleon?
Would they crush the poodles, would they irritate the stallions?
Or would they never sleep, and Noah forgot the valium?
A herd of insomniac dinos can ruin any galleon

Why didn't God put dinos on that frigate?
Was Noah worried the other animals wouldn't dig it?
Or was he some sort of bitter antisauri bigot?
A personal chip on the shoulder keeping dinos off the frigate?

Why no dinosaurs on Noah's gallant barge?
The obvious explanation is that they were too large
Or did they give off some kind of prehistoric discharge?
In which case even I would say, stay the hell away from my barge!

The world would be much different if Noah hadn't done what he did back then
You'd be getting eggs from archaeopteryx, not hens
And running into anklosauri when you go out with your friends
If Noah hadn't done what he thought he should've done back then.


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